“I just want to maintain okay.
I don't even want to be great
right now. I just want to be okay,
I want to feel okay.”
These moms were doing it all. Then the pandemic hit
We spoke to mothers across the country who have been affected by the pandemic. Listen to their stories.
By Jazmin Goodwin, CNN Business
MacKenzie Nicholson
New Hampshire
MacKenzie Nicholson lives in Nottingham, New Hampshire, with her husband and two kids, ages 7 and 4. She was laid off from her nonprofit job in healthcare advocacy in June 2020 and has since struggled to re-enter the workforce without childcare. Her second grader has just returned to in-person learning after spending more than a year at home. But her younger child remains at home. When Nicholson was laid off, she could no longer afford preschool tuition so they lost their spot at the only licensed daycare in their area.
Being a mom
“It is so lonely. And I'm not
okay. I am not okay, I am
struggling. Oh, I'm
struggling. I cry, like, all day
every day, you know what I
mean? It’s a multitude of
things, right? Like, it's
financial stress, it's
relationship stress with my
husband and I, because I'm
exhausted at the end of the
day. You know, it’s me and
my internal … thoughts.
Like, I feel like I'm failing my
kids, I am not meant to be a
teacher. I am terrible at this
… I'm so quick to get
frustrated. And I'm not
patient … It's sort of that
internal dialogue breaking
me down, and I'm not okay.”
Powering through
“I want to be real with
people. And I want people to
know, like, ‘Hey, you
screamed at your kids today
because you lost control,
like me too.’ And I feel
terrible about it. But like,
we're all under stress, let's
work to be better together.
Let's talk about it. Let's lift
moms up so that they know
that like they're doing the
best they can.”
Redefining work
“I have struggled to get a full
workday in, ever since the
pandemic hit. And it's an
interesting shift in my
thinking, right? Because I,
before the pandemic, I
would have said like, ‘Nope,
absolutely not, like work has
to come first, that eight
hours have to get in before I
can do any of the ancillary
things.’ And now it's like, ‘No,
my, my family has to come
first, to the detriment of our
financial security.’ And I feel
that for moms everywhere,
like even moms … who have
less resources than I have
or less support — like I don't
know how we are not all in
mental institutions, right
now.”
Tammy Purdie
Virginia
Tammy Purdie lives in Ashburn, Virginia, with her husband, 22-month old son, and nephew who’s in the 11th grade. Before the pandemic hit, Purdie was making a six-figure salary, but then left her consulting job in May 2020. Now her family lives on one income from her husband’s financial services job, and relies on his insurance benefits. Since parting ways with her employer, Purdie has been focusing her energy on starting a career in interior design, a longtime passion.
Being a mom
“I am a stay-at-home mom,
right now. It's a bit of a
challenging time for me, just
because I have been so
accustomed and trained
and just kind of used to
working, working, working. I
mean I literally just hit the
brake, it wasn't even slowing
down to then stop. It was
just like the brake had hit …
It's been very challenging.
I'm now kind of developing a
rhythm with my little one …
he's still very young, so
watching him change is also
kind of changing me and I
have to adapt quickly.”
Powering through
“I do think that as part of my
higher purpose, bigger
purpose … kind of full
picture of what Tammy can
do, I do feel like design is a
big piece of that. And as I
step away from the
corporate world and in
accounting, and pursue this
design, a very different
field, I am relying a lot on
God to guide me. Because
it's a little scary at first, like,
to be honest, it's moving
away from what you're so
used to doing. And what
comes as almost second
nature to you, to now
moving into … this new
chapter, this new journey
that you so much love, but
you don't necessarily have a
map to how it's going to
work.”
Redefining work
“Everything happens for a
reason, and I am looking at
this as though, you know,
God wants me to pursue
something else. It's almost
like this time is for me to
reflect and figure out what's
best for me.”
Daniella Knight
Virginia
Daniella Knight lives in Alexandria, Virginia. She and her husband have three kids, ages 3, 5 and 9. Before the pandemic, she worked part-time at a property management company and part-time as a pediatric sleep consultant, and her husband worked full-time at a legal services firm. They worked opposite shifts because they couldn’t afford childcare. Then the pandemic hit and schools closed, and suddenly they were working from home while trying to homeschool three young children. When it was announced her children were doing virtual learning again last fall, Knight made the tough decision to quit her office job at the property management company because the situation was unsustainable. While it has put some strain on the family's finances, it has allowed her to have more flexibility to support her husband and children.
Being a mom
“You can't have both, and
that balance, and you're
always like, ‘Okay well, I'll
sacrifice my shower, I'll
sacrifice my sleep.’ You
know? ‘I'll sacrifice my
exercise.’ And, you know,
your self-care, the stuff that
you need is always the stuff
that comes last.”
Powering through
“To be able to make this
work, like I worked ungodly
hours and had to not say
‘yes’ to a bunch of things
that they wanted to do. Like,
do I take on less work? And,
you know, spend these
precious moments with
you? Or do I make that
sacrifice? Because I know,
I'm investing in your
financial future.”
Redefining work
“It was difficult for me to
leave my job, because I
really did enjoy it … I was
doing well helping the
company reach its goals. I
had built them a new
website from scratch. I'm
not even a website designer
or anything … We were
growing clients and I had
gotten my real estate
license. I had my first
transaction so things like
that. I was feeling very
accomplished,
professionally … Now, not as
much. I try to remind myself
that I'm doing what's best
for the family and for the
kids. It feels very thankless
some days.”
Darsheen Sargent
Washington
Darsheen Sargent lives in Renton, Washington and is a single mom to an 11-year-old. In the spring of 2020, Sargent was forced to take an indefinite leave of absence from her job as a home health aide because she did not have childcare for her daughter. Since then, Sargent has been staying at home to help her daughter with her online classes and look after her. Sargent is receiving unemployment benefits and hopes to return to work once she finds a suitable childcare solution.
Being a mom
“I keep going and going and
I’m there for everybody else.
But it's like, who's there for
me? And I wish I did have
that help, where I can say
‘Okay, what do we do? How
do I make these decisions?
What's the decisions that
we have to make?’ It’s me
having to make all the
decisions of how I handle
things.”
Powering through
“I’m trying to be strong, and I
know that in my life just
growing up, I've always had
to kind of be … well not kind
of, I was like the caretaker
of my siblings, myself, my
kids. And so I just had to
reflect back like, I know, I
made it through those
times. I know I'll make it
now.”
Redefining work
“It’s hard having to make
that choice to say, ‘Okay, do
I still continue to stay
home?’ ‘How do I work this
out?’ ‘Or how do I slip in a
little bit of hours?’”
Patricia Liu
Washington
Patricia Liu lives in Seattle and has two kids, ages 5 and 2. Before the pandemic, she and her husband both worked full-time in sustainability and materials management and marketing, respectively. After their childcare program closed, Liu and her husband juggled working from home and caring for their kids before she was laid off in March 2020. Liu has been unable to find a job that is flexible enough for their current childcare needs. She has since taken up part-time advocacy and volunteer work in support of parents and children, including testifying for the Fair Start for Kids Act in Washington state.
Being a mom
“When I was working full-
time … at my various jobs
like, I always wish I had
more time to spend with my
kids and less time focused
on work, like that just wasn't
a balance that was okay
with me. And then the
pandemic hit, and then I
was with my kids all day,
every day 24/7. And I was
just … it was stressful, that's
literally the hardest thing I
had to do ever, in my life.
That was so hard. And not
because I don't love my kids.
I mean, it's just that I wasn't
used to not having that
adult interaction and just
being able to do things on
my own without being
interrupted constantly. Like,
kids require a lot of
attention.”
Powering through
“It's hard to be vulnerable.
It's really hard. That's like, I
think one … of my biggest
faults is like, ‘No, I'm fine.
Like, I'm solid.’ No, but I'm
not, you know, like, …
everyone has those
moments.”
Redefining work
“I think a lot of women are …
asking themselves the same
question: Is this job making
me happy? Especially with
so many women out of the
workforce now, because of
this pandemic. And after
losing childcare, for
whatever reason, you know
are they willing to put up
with a work environment
that doesn't value women?
Are they willing to put up
with a work environment
that, you know, faults you
for being a woman, like, get
paid less? You aren't up for
… as many promotions as
your male counterparts?
Like, that's all such bullsh*t.
And I can feel myself getting
tired of it, I can feel
other women getting tired of it.”